


Don't You Say a Word

by breakfastbeebo



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Post-Split, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 11:46:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7507084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakfastbeebo/pseuds/breakfastbeebo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan knew splitting the band would be difficult, and seem catastrophic- but he never expected to split the entire universe at its seam of stars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't You Say a Word

Shoes echoed down hallways, mine following his,

Voices called up at the scattered stars;

Each one like the sun shining down on us

From a separate universe where the truth was different.

The truth was a tri-blade knife, unable to heal

Unable to be forgiven.

His hands were reaching up to the tiny suns

His smile comparable to their shine. Their power.

_That show was great, wasn’t it? **We** were great._

Some lie slid through my teeth as I slid into a seat on the bus

He sat across from me, undimmed even indoors,

Hands waiting patiently in the middle of the table.

Mine never made it to the reunion.

I could see a single crack begin;

His eyes fluttering, unsure if being blind would be

The better option than staring at the smoke before him,

Slipping through his hands.

_No_. _What are you talking about?_

The crack widened and I could see the knife go in

Gutting him and placing every memory on the table

Bloodied and torn and ruined.

_No. Please. P-Please don’t. Ryan-_

I twisted the knife and his face paled

The perfect marble of an indestructible deity

Crumbling by my very doing;

I was playing God when I was only a flawed fool.

_G-get out. I said get out! Out!_

He yanked the knife out of his chest

Blood coming from his eyes

And falling onto his lonely hands.

_Get away from me!_

He lunged forward and found the perfect spot

Right between my ribs.

He hesitated, but I leaned into it.

We met halfway. Finally.

My footsteps no longer had a leader

As I ran from the crime,

Blood on my hands and covering my face.

The blood stained deeper than skin,

Never washing out

But not tracking on the shirts of the knife-less backs

I gripped tightly for one last impossible moment.

It was daylight.

We all stood under one sun like mortals.

We were already weak and on borrowed time,

Sucked dry from the fruitful universe

But somehow the days I spent by the phone

Aged me more than ever.

The same six words, tracing the wound left by him.

_Our spot. Find me. I’ll be there._

Silence said more than enough,

But I never did.

I listened far too much.

To me, to them, but never him.

Except when those tiny suns were up in the sky

And I was up in my room,

Solitude always my partner in bed

And blood covering my sheets.

It was my lover, and my God, so was he.

He spoke to me.

He spoke to everyone.

_Just lay in the atmosphere_

If my sickening lover would ever leave me,

Drowning in my crimson guilt, I would.

Lie among the tiny suns of varying consequences

Who turned themselves to shine down on him

Worship him.

Love him.

I envied them. I always did.


End file.
